If there are minor children in the household, the death of a wife has an even greater impact on the family. He then has to face not only traumatic effects of loss but also practical matters he may never have handled before. No matter what division of labor existed before the wife died, the entire responsibility for running the household usually falls squarely on the man’s shoulders following her death. Although they were probably a surprise to the surveyed women, who tended to overestimate their own contributions, these results still put more than 60% of the home chores in female hands.
In a survey conducted in 2005 and summarized at, sociology professors from the University of Chicago and the University of Seoul found that male respondents performed 39% of the household chores. If the man’s home life is running smoothly through the efforts of his wife, he may not really be aware of how much she contributes to household management. If the couple spends time together in the company of friends, the woman makes the arrangements and keeps that contact going. She knows where every family member needs to be at any time for work, school, or outside activities. In a traditional marital relationship, the woman is in charge of keeping the household running smoothly. Long-standing expectations have a similar effect on women. If a problem comes up, he believes that it is his job to solve it. A man marries and may well assume the conventional role of family protector.
From childhood onward, men receive the distinct and consistent message that no matter what happens in their lives, they need to be strong and act as the providers for their families The Man as the Family ProtectorĮven if we disagree with this traditional view of the male role in life, the signals we interpret from the time we are very young still have a powerful effect on all of us. Losing a spouse is painful for anyone, but society gives men an additional burden to bear. People often say that a man who is mourning the death of a wife finds the grieving process more difficult than a woman who becomes a widow.
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